Brazilian wax

Women came in with c/o labia pain. Prior to exam, the women bashfully explained that she had always wanted to have a brazilian wax, but was too shy to go to the salon. So here she is in the ER showing the ER nurse and ER doc the results of having her husband wax her. Her poor husband look sick, He did not mean to hurt her, yet there was blood everywhere. He had misunderstood her directions on not to put wax on the "lips." he had gotten a small portion on her labia and when he held the skin tight and pulled, he caused a avulsion labia. I am not sure who I felt more sorry for, the wife with the injury or the husband who felt horrible.

Moral of the story... if you want to wax down there go to someone who can do it and don't talk your poor hubby into it.

Warning: What not to do in a Snow and Ice Strom

Well, I live in the south/ mid west, if that makes any sense. Anyway, we do not get many snow storms. Our average snow fall a year is less than an inch. We get plenty of Ice storms, but it is too cold for people to really go out and do dumb things. So, bring on the snow and all the idiots come out. This past week we had 4 to 8 inches of snow dependant on area. People did not know what to do!!!

1st pet peeve:
I had 5 of my 9 nurses call out of work.... for the week, not just the day! I figure if I live 40 miles from work and had double the amount of snow than those who live two blocks away that they should be able to make it if I did.... Not the case

2nd pet peeve:
If a person is spinning on a ice road, why do you decide to keep going once you hit the ditch??? Watch 2 of these geniuses from the shallow gene pool do just that.

WTF are these patient thinking????

We have all seen what happens when a person sticks their tongue to a frozen poll, yet I took care of at least ten patients that did that one thing. What is amazing is that nine of them were over the age of 30!

I have an idea, why not have billy-bob hook a metal drum lid to the back of the tractor and go down the hill??? What happens is the lid picks up speed and rear ends the tractor resulting in 2 broken arms.

Let's take the 4-wheeler and try to cross the creek. Hell it is covered in snow...so it must be frozen.... Nope, billy-bob was lucky, the creek was only a foot deep.


Let's bury our friend in the snow like they do on the beach with sand, I know it is in the middle of a snow storm, but it will be a a great picture.... with all the snow falling, they lost poor Billy-bob and search dogs had to locate him under 4 feet of snow, which they had piled on top of him.... No worries, a touch of hypothermia doesn't kill everyone.

My personal favorite....
Women with deformity to left ankle screaming that she wants pictures so she can sue the landlord for not clearing her driveway.... We took picture, but included the 4 inch stilettos that the women was wearing in them... Must be Billy-Bob's Sister

Same Man, Two Calls & One Visit

First Call
Me: Hello XXXX ER, MLee, RN can I help you?
Them: I was there last night, sick and all, in bad pain
Me: Okay, what can I help you with
Them: I cant read what it says on the drug pad
Me: The prescriptions you can't read? Did you get them filled?
Them: Naw, didn't want to fill them unless it was some good shit, you know to take care of bad pain
Me: Give me you name and SSN, I will look you up and let you know what meds they wrote you
Them: Name and SSN
Me:He wrote for naproxen for pain
Them: Never had that, it any good?
Me: Yup, it is great for back pain

Second Call
Me: Hello XXXX ER, MLee, RN can I help you?
Them: Ya man, just talking to some chic, the bitch told me that the drugs the doc gave me were good
Me: Yes, That chic was me, Naproxen is a good pain reliever for chronic low back pain
Them: naw, it is just Aleve, I am allergic to Aleve, Cant the doc wright me something else? I'm in bad pain
Me: sorry, but our doctors are unable to write you anything stronger unless they see you because the doctor that saw you is not here at this time.

Visit
Pt came in with c/p low back pain x 2 years, stated he was in bad pain and that bitch (me) lied to him about Aleve being good.
Doctor saw pt,went through every one of his allergies and informed him of a new pain medication that he was not allergic to. I discharged him with a Celebrex script, he flipped me the bird and said told ya I get something good..... I can't wait till he sees the cost of the script

What is so frustrating is that this pt, along with many others abuse the ER for pain medications. When they do not get what they want, they keep showing up. I am sure that he will show up again and again. Hopefully, he will not get what he wants, less than two weeks ago, I took care of him for OD on prescription meds.

Husband + Nail Gun = ER

Was not really sure of where to post this one, my ER blog, or my home blog because it fits into both.

The other day I was just out puttering around with odd and end chores when I heard my husband scream. He was repairing part of the chicken coop, so that is the direction I headed thinking my god what happened, is he okay, and all the other wonderful things that run through a persons head when they think that someone they love is hurt. I find him yelling and screaming, yet I can't figure out why. Then I saw it, he had nailed his hand to the chicken coop. Once he calmed down, I was unable to keep a straight face. He was stuck and there was noway to get him unstuck without cutting the board that he was nailed to. I am positive that it was painful, but come on it was pretty funny,. what made it even funnier was that it was my husband. After taking him to the ER with board, nail and all, my poor hubby had to endure my friends and coworkers. Even the ER doc was unable to keep a straight face. His words to my husband, "if it was anyone else i would not tease ya, but that was not the smartest thing you have ever done."
Just for the record, that is not my husbands x-ray.
He is fine with no real damage, but pride
The chicken coop has been patched

Fetish with the ER.... WTF

Okay, I understand wanting to spice things up a bit. I have no problem with being adventurous, but checking into the ER just to get your rocks off is insane.

Apparently, a older man was going along for the ride with a much younger women. We have seen her before, all the ER's know her a little too well. She is the patient that complains of abdominal pain and vaginal conditions while requesting not to have anyone in the room with the doctor during her pelvic exams. She has a fetish for gyno beds and anything, male or female in a lab coat. Well, today was her day. She checked in for a headache, which shocked us because it meant no pelvic exam. However, she had a friend with her. I had to go and do the nursing assessment on her. As I walked into her room, I heard the shuffle of pants being pulled up. There she was buck naked, kneeling on the floor in front of this "friend", with a smirk on her face. He looked mortified, she just crawled over to me and stated, "I have always wanted to play with you" My first reaction, which I had to suppress, was to snatch her by the head and drag her out of the ER. However, I just walked out. The guy took off, security called the cops. After arresting her for lewd behavior and three other offenses, my poor ER doc still had to treat her for the headache prior to them taking her to jail. He gave her 1 gram of Tylenol

What I am wondering....
1. WTF would make her think anyone in the ER would allow her to touch us with a 10 foot pole?

2. WTF is would make her want to have sex in the ER?

3. Why was she completely naked to give a man head?

4. What is it with some people and the pelvic beds?

Kids

There are so many crazy, insane, idiotic, and sad events that happen in the ER. However, every so often, there are those that make me smile, cry, laugh, or just think how lucky I am a to work where I do. Here are a few:

A 5 year old is brought into the ER, just yelling and screaming, complains of everything under the sun from belly ache to fever. Her parents are frantic because they have no clue what is wrong with their precious little child. Once I walked into the room and sat down to talk with her and get her to calm down a bit, she leaned over to me and asked if I could keep a secret. The horrible thoughts of what this child was going to tell were running through my head. She than produced a very small turtle out of her pocket and said I think he is hurt because he won't move. You have to fix him!!! Her big blue eyes full of tears just broke my heart. After looking at the turtle, I got a wash basin and place him in it. I explained to the child that he was just scared and was hiding. After a few minutes, he poked his head out and looked around. The little girl was so excited that she gave me the biggest hug I have ever had. She walked out with wash basin and a very alive turtle a happy camper.

While in triage, a little boy came in with classical symptoms of the influenza, plus a possible ear infection. I provide him with a mask and tried to explain that he needed to wear it so other people did not get what he had. After I put it on him, I looked away for just a minute, when I turned back around he had the mask over his ear. Trying not to laugh, I attempted to adjust the mask for him. He very logically stated," cough ain't bad, sneeze ain't bad, body hurting ain't that bad, but no one wants me to give them this ear!!!"

Vomit

There are many reasons why people vomit, but there are always the few that just leave you shaking your head.

1. Pregnant patient states,
"every morning when I get up, I get sick and vomit all over the place, it goes away after an hour or so then it comes back the next day."

2. Patients says, "dude, can't you give me something for this vomiting and headache? I had one hell of a party last night and have plans tonight, I can't go out with a hangover."

3. A known drug seeker reports that his vomiting is killing him and he needs some pain medicine now for his life threatening pain. This has not been the first time this patient has requested pain meds for this complaint, so doctor tells me to tell that patient that he is not getting anything till we see some vomit. Patient says hold on and proceeds to shove his fingers down is throat.

4. 16 year old male came in violently vomiting. Come to find out he did not want to go to school so he ingested some good old fashion ipecac.