Wednesday, April 21, 2010

As a patient... A bit manic depressive.. humor me

As a patient, I become more and more frustrated. Every time things start going right and everything is in the right socket, something happens. I hate having EDS, yet up till now I knew that no matter what I would be okay. I knew what to expect. I knew what risks, side effects, and symptoms to expect. However, It feels like the wind was knocked out of me a few days ago. All of my joints have given me trouble and I was under the impression that there would be no more surprises, I was wrong. Apparently, the three bones in a person ear make up a joint. With any joint in a person that has sever EDS, it can become hypermobile and lead to hearing loss. Over the past year, I have hid from my decreasing hearing and increasing buzzing sound in my left ear. Finally, family and friends sat me down and made me go my hearing checked out. I am 90% deaf in the ear and my right ear is starting to act up. I have always seen a silver lining to whatever was thrown at me, yet this one has come out of left field and I do not see a positive. Every other problem a brace, pin, or joint replacement has fixed. Yet with this, a hearing aid could work, but not for long. Not even sure my insurance will cover them. What will happen to me in the end? This actually scares me, and much does not rattle me. Up till now, I have not let EDS interfere with my personal or professional goals, but how is this not going to effect my life? I have 10 weeks left for my BSN and was excepted in APN. How in the hell will I be able to be an APN, or even a nurse with out hearing? I love nursing and patient care. It sounds selfish, but I just turned 34 in march and do not see any part of this disease as fair!Yes, I know life is not fair, but I feel that there as to be some kind of balance. I know this posting is a bit manic depressive, I am just frustrated and scared. My plan is to spend the next few days curled up in bed, head under the covers with a ton of chocolate then I guess I will just have to deal with it and get on with living life.


  1. Hey! Life is not fair but I do believe that there is a brighter side in whatever you are experiencing right now. This is not just based from apathetic observation but from experience also. When I was still young my doctor discovered that I had a heart disease but it doesn't change a thing for me to be happy and to grow thinking that there is always hope despite the illnesses that people are going through. Yeah I know that even wearing nursing uniforms(even doctors and nurses got sick..{human's malady}) doesn't guarantee total healing but our sickness must not hinder us to be truly happy. As of now I am always looking at the good side of my life because if I look at the bad sides maybe I'd already died at a very young age. I do believe in hope. Hope is eternal .

  2. I know, just putting my bullet proof scrubs on a hanger for awhile and being depressed does wonders for the soul sometimes. There is a bright side and I will find it once I get my feedbag off that is filled with chocolate and unwrap myself bedding, (that is in a few day:)

  3. ((hugs)) "I'm sorry" doesn't begin to convey the suckitude that life sometimes hands out.