Don't get between two angry love birds

98 year old women presented via EMS c/o should pain after altercation with local police.... Yes, a 98 year old women. What's better is that 99 year old man presented with laceration to his forehead after altercation with local police.

Apparently, husband and wife were having an argument, neighbors call police due to the increasing volume of the argument. When police arrived, wife had thrown lamp at husband, which landed square on his forehead. Police attempted to arrest wife and husband went to defend his wife and pulled a shotgun out. So, police let go of wife and grabbed husband. That's when wife pulled her own shotgun out and when she was taken down the shotgun went off, which dislocated her shoulder....

Guess Again!!! No vacation for you...

48 year old women presents to the ER after a syncope episode at her youngest child's graduation party. The patient and husband have been planning for years to take off and travel the world once there children are out of the home and in college. Both are telling us their plans of where they are going, when, and promising to send a post card. Their one concern is the syncope. Husband is worried that wife might just be worn down and needing the vacation. While wife is worried that she has come down with something that will postpone their plans. After her tests the doc went in to give the grim news. Your plans will be postponed, but congrats, you are pregnant. The look on their faces told the story, they were in shock, they did not want any more kids, and they did not believe us. We ended up retesting with blood, urine, and an ultrasound to prove it to them. To them their world has ended and they will not be a trip around the world this year.

The Great Snake Hunt

This really has nothing to do with the ER, but I just think it is funnier than hell.

I live on top of a small mountain and am surrounded by woods. I choose to live a far away from people because I just don't like cities, crowds, or noise when I am not working. However, by living this way, my children have had many opportunities to send me on an adventure, or two. Today was the day for the snake hunt.

It started as simple as telling my son to grab some hay for the animals. Next thing I know he comes running back with tales of a 8 foot snake sunbathing on the hay stake. Of course, my first question was is it a rattler? Nope he tells me, so I ask is it a king snake? Once again the answer is nope. So, up comes my younger son with the camera with the suggestion that we go look and take a picture to identify it. As always, I am outnumbered and off we go. Younger son with camera and me with a 40 caliber. (I am not fond of snakes). My husband comes over and he sees about an inch of the tail hanging out of the hay. My suggestion is to just shoot the hell out of the hay stack, but no, hubby and sons want to save the poor snake from mommy and move it. So, down comes one bale of hay and the snake digs dipper into the stack. Then down comes another and then another. By this time we have identified it as a red milk snake, which is why they even entertained the idea of catching it. Yet, I don't like snakes and am not fond of the mess my children and yes, my hubby, were making out of the neatly stacked hay to catch it. During this entire time, which was over an hour, I sat down on one of the barrels to watch them make fools of their-selves. Might I add that I was at least 20 feet away from were the snake was hiding. Anyway, my older son turns around to me and starts taking pictures. Then my hubby, who one job is to keep the snake away from me starts laughing. I look down and the snake that they had been hunting was coiled up just watching them about 4 inches behind my boots between me and the barrel I was sitting on. Apparently, the snake was finding humor in the mess that they were making and just relaxing and watching.
So this is what I do on my days off from the ER, and unfortunately this was not the first wild animal or snake hunt I have been on and I have the feeling it will not be my last. I hope that you find it as amusing as my husband and boys did.

Brazilian wax

Women came in with c/o labia pain. Prior to exam, the women bashfully explained that she had always wanted to have a brazilian wax, but was too shy to go to the salon. So here she is in the ER showing the ER nurse and ER doc the results of having her husband wax her. Her poor husband look sick, He did not mean to hurt her, yet there was blood everywhere. He had misunderstood her directions on not to put wax on the "lips." he had gotten a small portion on her labia and when he held the skin tight and pulled, he caused a avulsion labia. I am not sure who I felt more sorry for, the wife with the injury or the husband who felt horrible.

Moral of the story... if you want to wax down there go to someone who can do it and don't talk your poor hubby into it.

New Nurse

I swear that our new nurse has Ideophobia related to her ergasiophobia because if she used her brain than she would have to work.