Thursday, May 20, 2010
I ran away awhile from life. Or at least I tried, with no success I would add. I needed time to reflect on life, my life in particular. I had too many children die on me this year. Nothing that we did could save them and one begged to just let her go, she was tired of the fight. As a nurse that works in the ED, we have pretty thick skins, yet sometimes things get to us. I felt mentally and emotionally exhausted.I think I had to just mourn a bit for those that I never knew, but took care of in their last moments. Sometimes people forget that we are human because we have to maintain our composure when hell breaks out, but many of us do care and carry a piece of our patients around with us. I ended up just shutting down emotionally, not depressed, but on autopilot. However, auto pilot does not seem to work too well for me. I love nursing. Having myself shut off to the emotional aspect of my work lead to me not enjoying it. Yes, death is sad, children death is heart wrenching, yet there is more to being a nurse then just the sad aspects. So now I a back to posting silly patients, sad stories, and stupid things that I do.