Tattoos

First just let me say, I love tattoos there is just something sexy that I like about them if they are tasteful, professional, and can be hidden if needed.

With that said.....

1. Don't get FTW tattooed across you forehead and expect people not to stare.

2. Don't be surprised when a nurse asks if you shoot up, we might get that idea from the bulls eye tattoo over your vein with a needle tattooed in the center.

3. Don't tell the nurse that you are afraid of needle when there is not one inch of skin not tattooed on you.

4.Don't be surprised when the nurse offers you a paper lab jacket to cover your tattoos of naked women in bondage while you are in the waiting room with young children.

5. If you are going to tattoo your girlfriends name of Jackie on your penis, make sure that you get her full name on there, don't stop at the name of Jack because it just hurts too much. If you do, don't be so surprise when you end up in the ER for stitches after Jackie threw a lamp at you when she saw Jack on your penis.

Hint To all Woman

Just a hint to all the women out there that might be wondering what is going on with their body.

1. If you don't have your menstrual for 9 months.... you could be pregnant

2. If you seem to just gain weight around your belly...... you could be pregnant

3. If after you have experienced 1 & 2 above, you feel severe cramping and a gush of fluid come between your legs..... you might be pregnant and about to give birth

4. If you come into the ER with all of the above symptoms and the nurse asks to take a look and tells you that you are crowning..... you are pregnant, in labor, and about to give birth

5. If you husband if with you that has been deployed for the last 18 months, you are busted!!! And no, he did not believe you when you curse at the nurse and say that she set you up and just happened to have a spare baby that she wanted to pawn off on you.


What is sad is that was the highlight of my day.

Merry Christmas

You know someone is a flyer when...
1. They are in the ED every holiday, and you start to think something REALLY happened to them if they don't make it in on your shift.

2. They send the ER staff cookies for Christmas, which we are afraid to eat.

3. They send a Christmas card to the ER and address it to everyone who works in the ER

Rigor: If limbs are sticking up.... CPR is not going to work

Just had to share this, it happened a few days prior to getting ill. Attempted to find a picture to place with this posting, but even i could not go as low as the ones I found. Anyway....

EMS call on the phone that should have been my first clue that it was something bad.
Apparently, family found grandma not breathing and bluish/black on one side of her body... that should have been my second clue. Family had started CPR when they found her. EMS arrived and attempted to inform them that there was nothing they could do and that grandma had been gone for a very long time. Family insist that EMS start CPR and EMS did. (No fault of their own, the situation they was in, I would have started also). Family then insist that one of them rides with grandma to the ER. In route, EMS call police and have them met them at the ER. I am called to the EMS bay.

This is what I find.....Picture it

Police are cuffing relative because he had pulled a gun on EMS to keep them doing CPR. Poor paramedics are bagging and doing compression on a very deceased grandma
....... Grandma had passed away sitting in her chair. She then had slumped over to her left side, which had pulled with all of her blood. Hence, one side of her body was about black. Wheeling her in, was interesting. There laid poor grandma on the stretcher with her arms and legs sticking straight up in the air.... She was in full rigor, basically in the sitting position.

I truly do feel bad for the family, not very educated, they did not know any better. Still... I have to tease the medics

Been Gone A While

I was ill for a bit. I had pneumonia and with all my extra hardware ended up with a septic knee, which got into blood stream and bacterial meningitis took hold.... really having the luck of the Irish there:)I was released from the prison, which was disguised as a hospital this AM.

I do have to say thank you to all of the emails and tweets asking where I was. Did not know that many people were reading my little rants.

So, since I have been off, I have no really interesting ER stories to share. However, being a patient for over 2 weeks....... I do have some horror stories :)

Sign this DNR Please

Patient was seen in minor medical area for his chronic low back pain, which shocked us because he is a drug seeking cardiac cripple. Doc deemed him non urgent, business office informed that he need to pay co-pay, or be seen by his primary care doctor, he utilized his extensive vocabulary of profanity. Then he reverted back to his old complaints of chest pain. This is were I was called to handle the problem. Told nurse to get a wheel chair. This is when Mr. dying decided to put on a show. Refused to get into wheel chair and to be taking back to the main ED. Stumbled out of the minor med area screaming that he was dying, stumbling into walls the whole way. Shaking and weaving c/o chest pain and dizziness. fell to floor in the middle of the waiting room screaming at the top of his lungs that we refuse to treat him unless he paid. Told us not to touch him and that we was going to attempt to walk the 30 miles to the better hospital for treatment, if he didn't die prior to getting there. Popping nitro and grabbing his chest while still refusing to have his chest pain evaluated. So, what was my response to all of this. Well being the charge nurse, I had to look out for the liability of what would happen if this patient really did code in the waiting room and we treated him against his wishes. I informed patient that he would not be treated for his back pain without a co-pay, but that we would be more than happy to eval him for his chest pain. Also, because he refused treatment at this time, it would be considered assault and battery if we picked him up off the floor and rushed him back for treatment. Further more, if he was serious regarding no treatment, then would you please sign this DNR, and I handed him the form.